Toilet Seats

So the other day I left the toilet seat up after expelling urine. Inexplicably, my wife fell right in the toilet. How do you do that? So she angrily yells "YOU LIVE WITH WOMEN, PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN, I FELL IN." My response, thoroughly unrehearsed or planned in any way was "Are you fucking retarded?" I felt bad but, somewhere I think I heard a bunch of dudes cheering. Maybe they are in the front yard, I'd better check. I don't want a bunch of random dudes congregating in my yard. Seriously though, how do you fall in the toilet? I've seen a cat fall in but cats are really dumb. They eat earwax for crying out loud. I can pretty much guarantee you I will never fall in an open toilet. Here are some things that I am more likely to fall through or into.
1.) A manhole
2.) A railroad bridge
3.) A big hole in my yard, possibly caused by random dudes hanging out in it.
4.) A vortex (I don't even know what a vortex is but it sounds scary)
5.) A parallel dimension (I think this happened once, when I was 9)
6.) A place where bears hibernate
7.) Quicksand
8.) A big net.