Notes From the Olympics II

So as per usual, we've been watching a lot of the Olympics at our house, only this time around, the children are old enough to appreciate them. And boy have they ever. They are the biggest homers I've ever met running around taunting no one in particular because the USA is leading the medal count, and my son actually chastised me for turning to the Twins game while Women's Gymnastics was on. It's the gayest thing he's done in his 6 years on the planet, and that includes the time when he was 1 and tried repeatedly to yank his own penis off in the bathtub.

Me: (Turns channel)

Him: DAD!!!! Turn it back!!!

Me: You're yelling at me to turn from the Twins back to a commercial in between women's gymnastics??

Him (Sheepishly): Um, well, the 'lympics is on...

Actually it's a lot of fun watching it with two little people with lots of questions, like "What's Judo?", "Where's London?" and "Why does Rebecca Soni look like my butt if it had eyes?"

So since we've been watching a lot, I have again come up with some observations from this year's games. For the 2008 observations, click here:
www.jenseninthahouse.blogspot.com/2008/08/notes-from-olympics.html

1.) Michael Phelps doesn't care anymore- He said as much, and it's showed in his performance, as he only captured 4 more medals for a record 20 to date, while screwing around and smoking dank in Olympic Village, boning North Korean Soccer Players for sport, and signing autographs with his big flipper feet. Go out in style, young man.

2.) Ryan Lochte has to be a douchebag- I don't know him personally so I can't be certain, but he has all the qualifying characteristics of a douchebag.
a.) He's really pretty
b.) His interviews border somewhere between dumb and Koko the Gorilla signing opinions about her dead kitten
c.) He won a big race to begin the Olympics and since then has continuously crapped his pants in subsequent races
d.) I heard he had sex with a dead deer one time to impress his frat buddies (OK, maybe I made that up)

3.) I think Misty May is getting fat- While Kerri Walsh appears to never get winded or even break a sweat, Misty May is out there panting like a housewife on a treadmill. Hasn't seemed to affect her performance, and she could probably spike a volleyball directly into my crotch at Mach 4, so I think I'll just shut up now.

4.) Indoor Volleyball Players must hate Beach Volleyball players-"In their slutty little bikini uniforms, sauntering around without the same skill level or technique, and they're the ones who are always on TV. Why don't they just install a stripper pole in the middle of the sand, and cut through the nonsense of playing the game? Nobody knows the score anyway." - Anonymous "Regular" Volleyball Player

5.) I don't know what the Coxswain does- I think they might shout orders or something, and in theory they are supposed to steer the boat, but I saw the coxswain of the US team and she was this little tiny person. She couldn't steer an empty boat, let alone a boat full of big rowers. It would be like me trying to push over an elephant. So, essentially she got a gold medal for shouting at people. This gives me hope that one day I too may get a gold medal, because I'm pretty good at shouting at people.

6.) Badminton scandals are fun- Some Badminton teams got kicked out of the Olympics for throwing matches to get favorable seeds in the medal round. This would have been the perfect time for one of the coaches to tell the IOC to "Suck My Shuttlecock" but as far as I can tell, nobody did this. I consider it a wasted opportunity.