My questions

These are the top 10 things I don't understand right now:
1.) Why doesn't anyone ever get heart cancer?
2.) How is it possible that my two least favorite actresses, Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellweger, presented awards back to back at the Oscars last night?Someone was messing with me.
3.) If I have to poop, but instead I go to bed, why don't I still have to poop when I wake up? It always worries me a little and I check around the bed just to be safe.
4.) Why do I have a bruise on my palm?
5.) Why do deaf people all sound the same? It doesn't make sense. We learn to enunciate based on mimicking what we hear. If you can't hear, you have nothing to mimic. You just have to guess. So how do all deaf people guess to sound the same way?
6.) Why is it that all girls with really infectious laughs are at least 100 lbs overweight?
7.) Why can my dog eat an entire hamburger in about 4 seconds, but it takes him way longer than that to eat a graham cracker?
8.) Why does it sound like there are gerbils in my ventilation?
9.) Why do people get so mad if you take a dump at the Parade of Homes?
10.) Why don't cats like me?