Kid Worries

As a parent, I feel I am possibly a little too worried about the inherent dangers my children face on a day-to-day basis. Part of me wants to just give them a jar of pennies and a comb and pray like hell that they make it to 18, but the majority of me worries too much. I’ve become my mother (without the propensity for eating entire sticks of butter in one sitting.) I worry about the realistic dangers, like them being stolen by a pack of dingos, or them driving the car without checking the "check engine" light when it’s on, but I also have some unfounded concerns
-Problem-When my daughter was 6 months old she used to flap her right arm really, really hard for no good reason
Concern: That she has a palsy arm or some disease that makes her little arm flap so violently.
Diagnosis: She liked to flap her arm. Then, it became boring so she stopped.
Problem: My son ran as fast as he could but only moved one arm and kept the other one tucked by his belly
Concern: My kids all have horrible, mysterious, incurable arm diseases.
Diagnosis: Extremely poor running form. Fixed himself
Problem: Son takes diaper off, throws it up in the air, runs around happily naked.
Concern: Super Gay!
Diagnosis: Super goofy.
Problem: Daughter bites off small chunks of her crib.
Concern: Pica, mental instability, Human Beaver Disease, lowered crib resale value.
Diagnosis: Boredom from mean parents leaving her in there too long.
Problem: Daughter has reddish indented welts on her arm.
Concern: Measles, small pox, demonic possession, wood ticks.
Diagnosis: Brother bites.
Whew!! That was close. Time to move to my children’s next confounding malady which is probably scheduled for immediately.