Flatulence and Me.

I think I may have a buttox problem. Maybe not, I haven't really asked around, but I fart quite frequently, especially in the morning when I have 1/3rd of a days farts stored up. My wife is not happy with this. I admit my manners have regressed since we began dating some 10 years ago from "perfect gentleman" down to somewhere around "chimp wearing a diaper" and I know I must improve, but it's difficult and it seems unhealthy to suppress your farts. Because what happens to them? I certainly wouldn't want my body to resorb them because after a while there would be a veritable apartment complex of farts roaming around my innards. I think it may be more difficult for me specifically. I remember when I was dating people and trying to be at my awesomest, I would hold all my farts in. Then when the date was over and I was driving home I would sit there and FART and FART and FART and FART the whole way home. Usually, this was my favorite part of the date. It probably was like this.
Date: I had a great time tonight.
Brian: Yeah, who knew there were so many bridges of Madison County. Meryl Streep should get an oscar (I need to fart, I need to fart)
Date: Well, call me tomorrow, OK.
Brian: You know I will bizzo!! (I NEED TO FART RIGHT NOW)
Brian drives off
Date: Wait, my underpa...............
Brian: Fart, fart, fart, fart, fart etc............
Now this isn't verbatim, but pretty close. I hope you can understand my dilemma.