I hurt my keester

So the other day I fell down the stairs. I was carrying some laundry, and one of my shoes had apparently climbed the stairs by itself (because it wanted to hang out with me) and it was halfway up and I stepped on it. Then my legs flew up in the air and I had that split second where your brain says, "Get ready to be in a lot of pain." Then I landed.....directly....on my butt. Every other part of me had a nice soft landing. I didn't hit my arm, or whack my elbow against the wall, or hit my foot on the floor or mush my skull against the stairs. My butt absorbed everything. I have learned that this is the incorrect way to fall. I think I may have died for a brief time. When I got up I tried a trick I had perfected as a kid when I hurt myself which was to walk around while kicking my legs out and flailing my arms and spinning my head around while saying "ow" 40 million times as fast as I could. I probably looked like Michael J Fox on a treadmill. This seemed to exacerbate the situation. Faced with hopeless, neverending agony, I laid down on the couch and whined softly while brainstorming how I was going to function with a shattered coccyx. "Well, I guess I'll have to have a butt cast. OWOWOW. Maybe I can get one at target. OW. It will probably have to be SuperTarget though, they have more stuff. Will my pants fit anymore? I wonder how much new pants are? Maybe I can just get pants with a cushion sewn in them. What other part of my body can I sit on??? OWOWOWOWOW."
Eventually, the pain subsided and I realized I was just fine and also that I was probably a big pussy. I also learned that Target does not carry butt casts. Even SuperTarget