Fun games to play with kids

The other day I played a game with my kids that we'll call "Daddy Jumprope." It involved me laying on the floor and the kids jumping over me screaming nursery rhymes and other things that made no sense. It quickly evolved into a dangerous game of "Hop on Pop" where the kids tryed to land directly on my solar plexus with their sharpest body part (i.e. elbow, bony hip, exacto knife protruding from their jammies). The more bruises I accumulated, the more I began to think of better games to play with your children.



1.) Who can run the farthest- Find a street corner and............................................................................. let em go. Some kids will run for hundreds of miles before looking back to see who's watching. The one on the milk carton longest is the winner.



2.) Extreme Frogger- Remember how fun it was to play that game, avoiding the various cars and semitrucks that were driving by. Well here's the extreme version of it. Use real traffic. Little 13 year old Timmy and Tommy will have something to Twitter about after that. (Note: For realism purposes, its best to use a real highway, with real half-asleep truckers)



3.)The Amazing Race- Drop them off 20 miles from home and see who makes it back first. The winner get cupcakes, the loser gets brussels sprouts. (Note: I haven't even put this out and already Parents magazine is on my dick.)



4.) Swords can be anything- Have your child find ANYTHING that could potentially be used as a sword and fight other children with it. A fishing pole, a table leg, a giant icicle, your grandmother's wooden arm, a backscratcher, a giant concrete dildo he accidentally found, a divorce summons rolled up in a scroll, anything can be a sword. Then go duel, and have fun.

5.) Crazy people in the roost- Say, "Hey, crazy people have taken over our house!!!!!" Then see what they do. This should give an accurate description of how things run at your house. IF they shrug their shoulders you are in trouble. If they methodically work towards getting your house back to normal, you're OK. If not, run to the nearest homeless shelter, and catch a good bed, because those are tough to come by.

There, go to work. Otherwise, look at this at a worst case scenario handbook.