Brian's Bucket List

Recently I met a 35 year old woman who had a "bucket list" that she would show to anybody unfortunate enough to look at it. I didn't quite understand why someone that young was already pondering death, but that's her prerogative I suppose. It was filled with lots of boring things like "Go to Hawaii" and "Bungee Jump". I felt sad for how dumb her list was. So I made a great list, and here it is.

1.) Hunt a person for sport.
2.) Throw stones at an old lady
3.) Do a drive-by shooting with an arrow.
4.) Bungee hump. (Note: I'm not sure if this is possible)
5.) Travel through time (Less sure about this one)
6.) Eat some poison.
7.) Play backgammon with a brain-damaged person.
8.) Ride a tiger.
9.) Meet a giant fish.
10.) Get arrested for exposing myself to a blind person.
11.) Eat an entire train.
12.) Cross breed a dog and a cat.
13.) Play the cello naked
14.) Fall off the Empire State Building and live
15.) Scream at a mime
16.) Smoke crack at a nursing home
17.) Win a prestigious daytime award.
18.) Get a boner and then walk around scaring people with it.
19.) Set Dog the Bounty Hunter on fire.
20.) Have a hornet for a pet.
21.) Adopt an African village and then give it back up for adoption
22.) Open a mill of some sort
23.) Make something explode just by thinking about it
24.) Flap my arms really, really hard and fly a little.
25.) Make a baby with Bristol Palin
26.) Sexually assault an entire community
27.) Make origami that comes to life
28.) Rid the world of cyborgs
29.) Throw things at the moon
30.) Force someone to get married to a sheep
31.) Sell a meth lab on Ebay.
32.) Call someone a "papoose"
33.) Keep peeing in a swimming pool until it's filled up
34.) Bury a worm alive.
35.) Get my weiner stuck in the couch.

That's about all I could come up with so far. It's a pretty cool list I think.