Don't EVER listen to me.

So I've been reading Wikipedia a lot lately. It's a pretty helpful source for just about anything, although I'm not sure how accurate it always is because the other day I was reading about Roger Clemens and under "Personal" it said that Roger Clemens sucks a fart out of his own butt every day, and I don't know how anybody could possibly accurately know that, with the possible exception of Roger Clemens himself, and I doubt he'd want that information made public. (Although it might deflect the attention away from the steriods allegations.)

Anyhow, via the vast knowledge of Wikipedia, I have found, to my shock, that I don't know anything about most everything. Let's take, for example, female anatomy. Man they got a lot of stuff in there. I didn't know what any of it was for. I always just assumed all these different names were just synonyms for the word "Crotch." Not true. Before I boned up (heh heh) here would have been my definitions for the following body parts assuming I was taking a test or something:

Cervix- No idea. Possibly something skinny and slimy. It's a good thing if yours "looks great!"

Clitoris- (Too busy giggling to provide answer)

Phillipine Tubes- Everything has a tube. It probably diposes of waste and stuff. I'm pretty sure these are the "horns" from that Junior High sex education class drawing. You know, the one where the female reproductive system looks like a Texas Longhorn head.

Labium- Rock & Roll group from the 70's. Bee Gees sold better.

Ovaries- Either an enclosure that a bird lives in, or I don't know. But I think I have 4 or 5 of them because they hurt sometimes, especially after I eat burritos.

Uterus-I think this is where fetuses live, maybe all the time, or maybe just when you're pregnant. I'm not sure.

Vagina- Hmm, it's Vagina and not Bagina? I'll be darned.

Vulva- A crappy Swedish car?

So anyway, I guess that what I'm trying to say is that I have no idea what I'm talking about most of the time, so when I talk to you, you'd be better off staring out the window, or humming a song in your head. Whatever you do, don't assume what I say is based on anything factual, and maybe you'll wind up OK.