Brian sees a Labia.

I was at the gym just now. I had intended to lift some weights but mostly what I did was sit around and yawn and listen to my IPod. Not very productive. Anyhow, while I was lifting and yawning and listening to my Ipod, I noticed a woman nearby me.

The reason I noticed her was because she was dressed like Jane Fonda from those 80's workout videos. She was wearing a spandex wrestling singlet with a white leotard or something underneath. The spandex wrestling singlet was pulled tightly up almost through her crotch in the shape of a "V". Also she had really pointy hair. It pointed downwards and out from her head, sort of in the shape of an upside-down "V".

So while I'm not lifting weights, but instead staring at this woman and trying to figure out which geometrical figure she most closely resembles, she sits down and begins doing that one exercise where you sit on a machine and open and close your legs several times, and that's the exercise. It's called the "Hip Adductor" or "Thigh Abductor" or something like that. It's an exercise that is only done by women and 80-year-old men, so my knowledge of it is fairly limited.

Anyhow, when she begins this exercise, I notice something. Every time she opens her legs to flex, her right labia pops out. (Notice I said "labia". Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know correct terminology. Before I would have said her "right crotch" or "that puffy thing.") Now it doesn't actually pop out through her leotard (that would be impossible), but still, you can definitely tell that something funny is going on. Then when she contracts, it goes away. After about 5 reps of this, I look to my left and see that another woman has noticed this wardrobe malfunction as well. I am much more inconspicuous than her. She is staring slack jawed at labia woman, while I am merely staring with a regular type jaw. The strange thing is, labia woman seems totally oblivious to all of this. I can tell you with a pretty good degree of certainty, that if my ball kept popping out of my underpants, I would notice and correct the problem.

Eventually labia woman stops doing that hip exercise and leaves. And me and the slack-jawed woman glance at each other with a look that can only be interpreted as "Damn, that bitch's puffy thing was popping out!"