Sometimes I Lie All The Time.

Do you ever lie for no good reason? Sometimes I'll be talking to somebody and a bunch of lies will just come spilling out of my mouth. I have no idea why this happens, but it can be pretty fun to see how many things you can lie about before the person you're talking to figures out that you are a big, giant, horrible, evil, lying lieface.

Usually when I start lying it's to somebody I barely know, like some girl cutting my hair or the clerk at the gas station. That way after I finish lying to them I don't have to remember the lie because chances are we'll never have another conversation. That's a risky part about lying. Sometimes you forget your own lie and then the person you lied to asks you something a month later pertaining to your lie and you have no idea what they're talking about.

Person: So, did your aunt ever receive that baboon uterus she needed?
You: What? Her uterus is fine.
Person: But you said her uterus fell out while she was driving on that bumpy road in Antarctica.
You (to yourself): Uh oh, you have forgotten your lie..... lie some more to cover up!
You: Um, they found it perfectly preserved in ice and put it back in. Everything is OK now. She just needs special anti rejection underpants.

That's a little scary. But most of the time lying can be very fun and rewarding.

Stylist: Pretty cold huh?
Me: Yep, must have brought it with me when I got back.
Stylist: Where'd you come from?
Me (Lying): Uh, Patagonia.
Stylist: Where's that?
Me (Lying more): Near the Isle of Lesbos.
Stylist: Oh. What was there?
Me (Lying a lot): My brother's girlfriend was raised there by a kindly shepherd who also started a world famous rock band. Ever heard of U2?
Stylist: He started U2??
Me (Still lying): Yep. He also invented V8. He liked the whole letters/numbers combination thing.
Stylist: Wow, that's fun.
Me (Over-the-top lying): Uh huh. Did I mention he did all this even though he was born with no skull? He has to paper mache his brains in every day.
Stylist: Um, I think you're done...

Lying is a great way to pass the time, you just have to make sure to find the right person, otherwise you'll wind up looking like a liar, and that is embarrassing, because some people can just tell.

Person: Did you see Rambo II?
You (Lying): Yep.
Person: YOU LIAR!!!!

Don't lie to that person. Most everybody else is OK though.