My daughter has this doll that Santa Claus got her for Christmas. It is an American Girl Doll and I've spoken of the lunacy associated with having an American Girl doll before. But regardless, she loves the doll and drags it around with her everywhere she goes. Let me just illustrate how much she loves the doll.
It's 3:00 in the morning, my daughter has climbed into bed with us hours earlier, and is now proceeding to slowly shove me off the bed so that by 6:00 I will be resting with my head and one of my arms on my nightstand, and my butt and legs will be dangling precariously off the side. This is a nightly occurance and not even a Sleep number can save me.
Anyhow, I'm asleep, when all of a sudden I am awakened by somebody peeling one of my eyelids open with their fingers. I am dazed and confused.
Me: Huh? What's wrong? A fire? A burglar? Somebody pooped their pants? Gay ninjas entering through the porch windows?
Daughter: Daddy, move it! You're laying on Abbigail's arm!
So there you have it. My daughter loves her doll so much that she is perfectly willing to pick my eyeballs open and wake me from my blissful slumber to tell me that I am sleeping on her doll's arm. I tell her, in no uncertain terms, that I am going to throw her doll out the window (and possibly hit some ninjas) if she wakes me up by pulling my eyelids open again.
So the other day we were playing in the backyard: Me, my wife, my daughter, my son, the dogs, and Abby with her dad-layed-on arm, all playing and picking up the occasional rogue dog turd. The next day, we can't find Abby. We look all over, can't find her. My daughter is sad, but leaves to go to daycare without her. I check around more thouroughly, knowing that not finding her will undoubtedly cause a spaz of epic proportions sometime in the near future. After 15 minutes of searching I spot her laying out behind the trampoline. She has been outside all night. And it rained!!
I rush out to get Abby. She is very wet. She smells like rainwater and old leaves. I panic. I call my wife, tell her I have located Abby, and remark that she is soaking wet and smells like a homeless guy from Seattle.
Me: I just tossed her in the dryer. I hope that helps.
Wife: What? What if the dryer melts her head or something?
Me: Um.....
I am worried now. I think to myself that it would be much worse to have a dry doll with a melted head than a wet doll that smells like October. Thinking quickly, I pull up the American Girl website, and send them this email:
"Hello,
My daughter left her doll out in the rain yesterday. Now she is wet and smells like leaves. I was going to put her in the dryer, but then I got scared that her head would melt. Is it OK to put her in the dryer? If not, what can I do?
Brian Jensen
P.S. She smells funny"
I got this response back.
"Dear brian,
We are sorry to hear that your daughter left her Bitty Baby out in the rain. Please do not put her in the dryer. Her plastic parts may melt or become warped. Instead, you can put her in front of a fan that blows cool air and try drying her that way. If all else fails you can send her to the Doll Hospital"
That's how I learned about the Doll Hospital. You can actually send your doll to the special American Girl doll hospital. You have to fill out an admittance form, where you list the doll's issues (i.e. Smells like leaves, missing torso, melted head, etc) and they will fix her up and send her back with a hospital gown and hat, a good health certificate, and a band-aid (although I'm not sure how relevant a band-aid would be if the doll had a missing torso.)
As it turned out, Abby just kind of dried on her own and stopped smelling like old leaves and things went back to normal. But it was a close call. Just another example of what a goofy world we live in. The Doll Hospital. I wonder who works there.
It's 3:00 in the morning, my daughter has climbed into bed with us hours earlier, and is now proceeding to slowly shove me off the bed so that by 6:00 I will be resting with my head and one of my arms on my nightstand, and my butt and legs will be dangling precariously off the side. This is a nightly occurance and not even a Sleep number can save me.
Anyhow, I'm asleep, when all of a sudden I am awakened by somebody peeling one of my eyelids open with their fingers. I am dazed and confused.
Me: Huh? What's wrong? A fire? A burglar? Somebody pooped their pants? Gay ninjas entering through the porch windows?
Daughter: Daddy, move it! You're laying on Abbigail's arm!
So there you have it. My daughter loves her doll so much that she is perfectly willing to pick my eyeballs open and wake me from my blissful slumber to tell me that I am sleeping on her doll's arm. I tell her, in no uncertain terms, that I am going to throw her doll out the window (and possibly hit some ninjas) if she wakes me up by pulling my eyelids open again.
So the other day we were playing in the backyard: Me, my wife, my daughter, my son, the dogs, and Abby with her dad-layed-on arm, all playing and picking up the occasional rogue dog turd. The next day, we can't find Abby. We look all over, can't find her. My daughter is sad, but leaves to go to daycare without her. I check around more thouroughly, knowing that not finding her will undoubtedly cause a spaz of epic proportions sometime in the near future. After 15 minutes of searching I spot her laying out behind the trampoline. She has been outside all night. And it rained!!
I rush out to get Abby. She is very wet. She smells like rainwater and old leaves. I panic. I call my wife, tell her I have located Abby, and remark that she is soaking wet and smells like a homeless guy from Seattle.
Me: I just tossed her in the dryer. I hope that helps.
Wife: What? What if the dryer melts her head or something?
Me: Um.....
I am worried now. I think to myself that it would be much worse to have a dry doll with a melted head than a wet doll that smells like October. Thinking quickly, I pull up the American Girl website, and send them this email:
"Hello,
My daughter left her doll out in the rain yesterday. Now she is wet and smells like leaves. I was going to put her in the dryer, but then I got scared that her head would melt. Is it OK to put her in the dryer? If not, what can I do?
Brian Jensen
P.S. She smells funny"
I got this response back.
"Dear brian,
We are sorry to hear that your daughter left her Bitty Baby out in the rain. Please do not put her in the dryer. Her plastic parts may melt or become warped. Instead, you can put her in front of a fan that blows cool air and try drying her that way. If all else fails you can send her to the Doll Hospital"
That's how I learned about the Doll Hospital. You can actually send your doll to the special American Girl doll hospital. You have to fill out an admittance form, where you list the doll's issues (i.e. Smells like leaves, missing torso, melted head, etc) and they will fix her up and send her back with a hospital gown and hat, a good health certificate, and a band-aid (although I'm not sure how relevant a band-aid would be if the doll had a missing torso.)
As it turned out, Abby just kind of dried on her own and stopped smelling like old leaves and things went back to normal. But it was a close call. Just another example of what a goofy world we live in. The Doll Hospital. I wonder who works there.
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