Stop Saying It!!

Sometimes I find myself using the adjective "Gay" a lot to describe most everything happening around me. It really is kind of an apt description for any person, place, or situation that I deem less than acceptable. Some examples:

-Mushrooms are gay!
-Hornets stingers' are gay!
-Running up a hill is gay!
-Your face is really gay looking.
-This pasty smells gay.
-Your giant scab is way gay.
-I got a ticket for urinating in public. How gay.
-This manta ray feels really gay.

And on and on and on, ad nauseum. Every so often, somebody, usually a girl somebody, will come up to me and say one of two things. She either says:

1.) "Brian, calling everything gay is disrespectful to gay people"- I usually reply, "You're gay for saying that." I disagree with this assumption for a few reasons. First, I am in no way biased towards homosexuals. I think they should share the same rights as everyone, and if they want to get married or whatever, go ahead. Not my business.

Secondly, why would gay people feel disrespected by me calling my friend gay because he trips and falls down a hill and lands in a big pile of mud and cigarette butts? Clumsily falling down a hill, and being attracted to someone of the same sex aren't even close to the same thing, so how could anyone draw enough of a parallel to be offended? That's right, if you think gay people are offended by the adjective gay, you are insulting their intelligence, and that's just racist!

or

2.) Sometimes people say to me, "You should spell it "Ghey" so it can be differentiated. This is perplexing to me. Do I have word bubbles coming out my mouth like a comic book character and just not know it? Plus, I don't want to spell it "Ghey" because people won't know what I'm talking about. They might think I mean Curds and Ghey or something, and who wants to eat Curds and Ghey. Not me!

Besides, changing the spelling of a word doesn't change the word. If I go around emailing girls and referring to them as "Kuntz" I think the impact will still be the same. It's the intent and the person behind the word that determines whether it's offensive or not. Always has been, always will be, and since I have now proven to be of quality character I'd like to leave with this final thought.

It's gay when your bones itch!