Who's at the Casino?

I had a family reunion this weekend. Not for my family, my family is all dead people. If the Jensen's had a family reunion, it would have to be held at Lakewood Cemetary, and 90% of the invitees would be underground, and like I've said before, no dead person would want me standing on top of them, reminiscing softly to myself. Therefore, until that day that we inherit a bunch of Cambodian refugees, or a village of Oompa Loompas like Willy Wonka, we will not be having a family reunion.

I'm speaking of my wife's family, which just happens to be the largest family is the history of people. The family tree is bigger than that big redwood tree in California that has a highway running through it. Or bigger than a blue whale's nutsack, whichever helps you remember better that it's big. Anyhow, the reunion is held at a Casino in the outskirts of Northern Bumblecrotch, MN. So I got a little gambling in and lost a little bit of money, but for the most part, I just looked around at the people. I never really noticed this before, but there appears to be 4 distinct groups of people that goes to the Casino on the outskirts of Northern Bumblecrotch, MN.

1.) Really fat middle aged people playing slots. Many are wearing mesh hats and overalls, or floral print pants where the flowers are like a foot in diameter and all faded and stretched out from the giant ass that they are containing. These people nearly always bump me with their backfat when I am trying to slink in between them.
2.) Really skinny people milling around and smoking constantly. They rarely play any games, instead choosing to keep an eye out for anything suspicious, and by anything suspicious, I mean anything at all. They glance up at the eyes in the sky at least once every 30 seconds and then sneak to some other part of the casino.
3.) People who hustle over to Blackjack tables in the middle of a shoe and play hands for at least $25 while standing up. Then they get 20, the dealer gets a lucky 21, they pound the table and swear, and then leave as fast as they came, presumably to go back to the cash machine to squander more of their mortgage payment or kid's college fund.
4.) Punk ass 20 year olds who think they are the world's best Texas Hold-em players. They talk a lot, use their cell phones at inappropriate times, and wear sunglasses at the 2-4 table and try to bluff. Then they lose their ass and curse at people for not knowing how to play. These kids are the reason that if I ever see Chris Moneymaker, I'm going to punch him in his stupid head.

So since I noticed this, I started wondering where I fit in. After all, I used to go to Mystic Lake a lot. I'm not a morbidly obese slot player, or a meth addled fidgety conspiracy theorist. I'm not betting my mortgage, and even though I act like it 95% of the time, I guess I'm not a punk ass kid anymore either. So I had to go ahead and create another group.

5.) Me- As far as I could tell, I was the only one in my group. I looked around a lot too. It was kind of weird and lonely. I felt like the guy in I Am Legend. All I needed was a dog and some vampires. I know there are others like me out there, they just weren't at the Casino on the ouskirts of Northern Bumblecrotch, MN. Maybe next time...