Eyes playing tricks on Me.

This morning I mistook a squirrel for a car. I was backing out of my driveway and from my peripheral vision I thought I saw a large object, presumably a car, zooming towards me. So I hit my brakes and looked over, and all I saw was a squirrel running through my yard. I started wondering if I was retarded, but then I realized that it was just my eyes playing tricks on me again.

My eyes like to fool me every so often. They think it's funny. My eyes are jerks!! Like my eyes will spot a girl from like 100 feet away and send a message to my brain that says, "She's Hot!" So then I'll wander closer, trying my best to be inconspicuous and usually failing, and I'll get close and realize either,
a) She's not hot at all
b) She's sort of hot, but in a skanky, hookery, give-you-the-clap kind of way
c) She's a dude

Sometimes my eyes trick me into thinking I see balls (insert joke here). Whenever I'm out hiking, one of my favorite things is finding a ball of some sort and keeping it. Usually it's a golf ball or a tennis ball, but one time I found a giant rubber ball and I dribbled it down the street for a while until I realized that I looked like an idiot. So since I'm always on the look out for balls, my eyes fool me into thinking that things like leaves, chunks of rubber, and fossilized dog turds are in fact balls. It's always very disappointing to think you have found a ball, and then you pick it up and it's a fossilized turd. (Side note: You should wash your hands if this happens. BEFORE you eat Chipotle. That's a lesson I don't need to learn twice.)

There's really no way to get back at your eyes either. You can't poke them, you'd just be hurting yourself, and if you blindfold them, you are also blind. Yep, your eyes got you right where they want you. Jerks!