Old School Rap

Now that I have satellite radio, I spend nearly all my time listening to the old school rap channel while I am driving around. The one thing I've noticed about old school rap that differs from today's garbage is this. Today's rap songs are about girls with big buttoxes, and trying to have sex with those aforementioned girls. That's it.

Look at that ass/
On the floor Hey/
Crack look like/
A big ol' doorway/

Run to the bathroom/
Ass is shakin'/
Stop eatin' all that/
Extra bacon/

Come to my house/
I pull out my ding dong/
Hit it back and forth/
Like a game of ping pong/

Put yo clothes on/
Leave now certain/
Pants so big/
They look like curtains/

And on and on and on for 4 minutes. Half these guys are probably virgins or down low gay people. Old school rap, on the other hand, you could rap about ANYTHING. You got a hangnail, rap about it. You got gonorrhea, rap about it. You went to jail for taking a dump at the Parade of Homes, rap about it. You graduated from community college, rap about it. You're dating a girl whose dad hates whites/blacks/mexicans/fat boys/midgets/etc, rap about it. You can't beat King Koopa on Level 8 of Super Mario Bros, rap about it. You attended an insurance seminar, rap about it.

You could rap about anything, and what's more, apparently back then it was perfectly acceptable to walk down the street while clapping your hands and stomping your feet. If you did that nowadays, you'd probably be put in a padded enclosure, so as to ensure that you aren't a danger to yourself, or anyone else. You know what I would do if I saw someone walking and stomping and clapping down the street? I would go to the other side of the street. Because that's the guy that would be mumbling about a great famine while his weiner hangs out of his pants.