Long Power Outages Would Make Me Die

Last week the Minneapolis St Paul Metropolitan Area experienced the most extensive power outage, in terms of number of people affected, ever. I was one of those who lost power, and it was really kind of discouraging to find out how dependent I am on technology. Although we were without power for only a little over 24 hours, during that time my life devolved into a serious of bizarre mishaps attempting to "survive" during the outage including:

• Complaining how hot it was constantly, and consequently trying to figure out a way to live in the refrigerator until my wife told me not to do that anymore.
• Getting lost in the darkness of my own living room (although this merits an explanation. I was sitting playing Candy Crush on the love seat when I felt what appeared to be a large, probably venomous insect crawling on my shoulder, although it might have been a dog hair or something since I couldn't see it. So I got scared, brushed off my shoulder, and hopped over to the couch. Then after a while, I turned off the IPad and started off to bed, except I had forgotten that I had switched furniture. Since it was pitch dark, and since I believed I was on the love seat, which faces the hall towards my bedroom, I figured I'd just go straight and eventually get there. But since I was actually on the couch, which was perpendicular to the love seat, what I wound up doing is walking directly into a wall, penis first. This perplexed me, as I did not remember a wall being on the way to my bedroom, and so I panicked a little, and in panicking a little, I walked into the wall again, penis first. So then I really got scared, and scrambled back to where I was sitting before, possibly stepping on a cat or other medium sized animal in the process. I had to turn my IPad back on and use it as a defacto flashlight to find my bed.)
• Fed the children old candy collected from the Farmington Dew Days Parade + Halloween and Easter for breakfast because we had no milk and no way to cook anything.
• Pushed the garage door opener 300 times before I realized that it wouldn't work without power
• Started searching the house for burlap or any other type of rugged fabric I might use to make clothes in case everything else was dirty at some point.
• Started plotting which pet we'd have to eat first if food ran out.
• Trying to remember what Tom Hanks did to survive on that island, besides having a pet volleyball.
• Pushed the garage door opener several more times again.

Eventually the power came back on and life made sense again, but it led me to the conclusion that if I had lived 200 years ago, I would most likely be dead, and my only employment opportunities would be hopping from town to town as the village idiot, which I don't think had great benefits, even if the ACA had existed back then.