The Things I Hate.

A lot of people who read this frequently ask me why I have such a strong hatred for various things. Well, faithful readers, I figured I would explain to you.

1.) Hornets-Hornets suck for so many reasons. First they fly around in your face, which is pretty inconsiderate, all things considered. Maybe in France people think it's great to have little insects flying around your eyeballs all the time, but here in America we have personal boundaries and space. Human beings respect each others personal space, is it so much to ask that hornets could do the same. (Side note: My grandmother used to let hornets walk all over her glasses and eyes. It was horrible. I never understand why so many hornets would flock to her face like that. Maybe her eyes smelled like flowers, I don't know)

Secondly, and more importantly, hornets are JERKS!! Hornets will just fly over and sting you on the arm if they think you're looking at them funny, or hanging out too close to their nest or something. Sometimes I think they sting me just for practice.

Hornet (Looking at me): Look there's a big thing.

Other Hornet: Let's sting the shit out of it.

Hornet: Good thinking Ed.

I know people who have been stung like 2 times in their life. How is this possible? I've been stung like 400 times. And they can just keep stinging indiscriminately forever. I hate them. I watched this show one time where this guy named Billy sprayed a bunch of crud into the cracks of this dilapidated shack, and hornets were falling out everywhere dying. My eyes had an orgasm watching this.

2.) Roundabouts-When did this country turn into England? Everywhere I go nowadays, a stupid roundabout is popping up. The powers that be apparently believe that we are born with an inherent understanding of what to do when faced with a large circle in the middle of flowing traffic. Well people are dumb and treat roundabouts like a very small scale Indy 500, so I am constantly in fear of getting in an accident. I'm also in fear of being trapped inside the roundabout like Clark Griswold, driving in circles for hours. "Look kids, there's Big Ben, Parliament." My children think it's funny and cheer loudly when we approach roundabouts. This angers me. People who need someone else to wipe their butts for them shouldn't be making fun of me. If you want me to stop hating roundabouts, you should send me to roundabout camp for a week, at the taxpayers expense of course.

3.) Heelys-I've mentioned before why I hate these stupid shoes, but let me reiterate. The only kids you see with Heelys are fat, weird looking kids with even fatter parents. The kids skate around shopping centers, and crash into people and don't say "sorry" and then skate off to crash into different people, and their fat ass parents can't keep up with them because they're driving around in those motorized wheelchairs with baskets on them for groceries provided by the store, and they've stopped paying attention to the havoc their ugly children are wreaking because they're too busy yanking preprocessed, cholesterol laden items with their canes off of high shelves in an obvious subconscious attempt to bring around that next coronary sooner rather than later.

4.) Dog the Bounty Hunter- I hate him because he has a gay mullet. I hate him because he has a dumb voice. I hate him because he has a 5th grade vocabulary. I hate him because his wife looks like a cross between a super high class prostitute and Grimace from McDonalds. I hate him because he makes idiots believe it's really possible to aggressively chase after criminals without a gun for years and never get shot. Really though, just look at him. How could you not hate somebody like that? Even if he was really nice and all he did was save puppies and babies from buildings on fire all day long I'd still hate him.

I think everything else I have a real hatred for I've covered in earlier posts. For more information, refer back to those.