My Mom's Lawnmower has a Drug Problem

So the other day my mother's lawn mower stopped working. A couple of friends of hers offered to fix it. This is a very nice story so far don't you think?

The people that were going to fix it were two very nice young men, and their offer to fix it was based out of the genuine goodness of their hearts, and the fact that they like my mom. This is still a really nice story!

The two nice young men were unfortunately in the process of smoking or shooting, (I wasn't privy to this much detail), copious quantities of methamphetamine. The story has taken a turn for the worse, although meth use does make any story more interesting, so that's good.

To this point we have a broken lawnmower, a mom who's grass is too long, and some well-intentioned but methed out young men with a keen eye for lawn maintenance. Just thought I'd recap that.

The two well-intentioned but methed out young men with a keen eye for lawn maintenance fixed up the lawnmower so that it worked again. The story has become heartwarming. My heart is atwitter.

Unfortunately, the lawnmower now has an outboard motor or something attached to it which causes it to fly forward at an alarming speed. According to my sources, when my mom tried to mow the yard, the lawnmower took off, dragged her around the lawn for a while, and then zoomed away down the road looking for other lawns to mow without the impediment of a person hanging behind it.

Yes, it's true, apparently my mom's lawnmower is on meth. She sent it to Lawnmower Hazelden, so hopefully when it comes back it'll be straight, and able to settle down long enough to just mow lawns, and it won't be so fidgety when she puts it in the garage. We can only hope and pray right now. Parents of appliances, please have "the talk" with your kids about the dangers of drugs. If it can help even one appliance, it will not have been in vain.