Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Crazy Baby Sneeze Phenomenon

Here's a strange phenomenon I can't quite explain, but I have a really well researched theory about. I have a few kids (2 I think) and as we were sorting pictures the other night to stick them into albums it struck me that in the vast majority of pictures of the kids when they were babies they look like they are either about to sneeze, or just finished sneezing. Then I looked at some other pictures of babies (did you know they have a bunch of random babies' pictures on the internet? What a country.). Same thing. What's the deal with that?

I think it has something to do with the flash. My kids have this disease where whenever they turn lights on in a dark room they begin sneezing voraciously. I think babies have some sort of baby ESP that allows them to know that a bright light is about to be flashed in their eyes and so their brain automatically activates the sneeze reflex. I think this phenomenon is closely related to how I automatically start to gag when I am near smelly old ladies before I even smell their smelly barn odor.

My Brain: (Uh oh, checkered red pants stained brown with a confused look on her face. ACTIVATE GAG REFLEX!!)
Me: HACK KACK BRRRACK!!
My Brain: (Target out of range. Cease fire. Cease fire.)

Anyhow, if you ever cut a baby's head open (which you shouldn't do under most circumstances) I would bet that you would find that a large section of the brain was solely responsible for sneezing. I would imagine the breakdown would be 40 percent sneezing, 30 percent pooping, and 30 percent crying. Again, I'm not a pediatrician or a pedophile so I can't really be certain that these percentages are accurate, but I bet I'm close.

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