I'd make a bad criminal

Here's something I bet most of you don't do. When I'm driving around, especially to someplace I'm not very familiar with, I always check around to see if there would be any really good places to dump a corpse. I say to myself, "Hmmm, now that area looks kind of woodsy and untraveled. I bet nobody goes hunting around there. That would be a pretty good place to hide a person."

Why do I do this? I haven't quite figured it out yet, since I don't have a "People to Kill" list or anything like that. Quite frankly, it's way more likely that I'll fall in a big hole, or off the Empire State Building and accidentally kill myself. Also, my criteria that makes a spot a primo body dumping location is so simplistic that it can only be from watching the A&E channel or The Simpsons or something. All it has to be is a woods that hunters won't go into and trip over the body. I would have to guess that actual killers have a more thorough list of requirements.

I suppose I'm always sort of subconsciously plotting the perfect crime. Whenever I see an armored car, parked at some non-threatening location like Cub Foods, the back door is always a little bit open, and part of me is always slightly tempted to reach in really quick like, and grab a big bag of money with a dollar sign on it. And my bravery units increase proportionately with how dorky the guy driving the armored car looks. If he looks like the PC guy from the Mac and PC commercials, I am very brave, relatively speaking. If he looks like Kimbo Slice, however, I am much less brave. When it comes down to it, however, I doubt seriously that even if the driver happened to be a dead tortoise, that I would ever go through with my criminal mastermindish plan. This is probably a good thing.