Recently we filled the one vacant office we had in our office complex with a woman who does therapy and massage for crazy or sad people. One of her conditions of leasing with us was that all the doors have locks on them, presumably so that I don't accidentally stumble in during a confessional looking for rent money or a free massage or something, violating confidentiality of the patient, and HIPAA regulations and whatnot. So during all this, I realized I had no idea where the key to her office was. The last guy that rented that office never had a key because he had no secrets, and so I was very concerned that the key was just gone.
I eventually found the key, on my keychain, where it had been for the last four years, and I had no idea what it was or what it opened. This was fortunate because otherwise I would have had to go buy a new lock for the door, and take out the old lock, and I am about as mechanically inclined as your average retarded 6 year old. Basically I have 5 techniques for fixing things, and if these don't work then more or less the thing stays broken.
1.) Turn it off and turn it back on- This is my only option for computer type things. If turning off and then turning back on doesn't work, I give up and go take a nap.
2.) Whacking the side of it- This doesn't work very often, but i do get to take out some aggression and sometimes it actually makes the picture on the TV come back.
3.) Threatening it- There's nothing like swearing at the oven or a TV tray to let it know you aren't messing around and it had better figure itself out soon, because you mean business.
4.) Sticking your finger in there and swishing it around-This works more often than you might imagine, because sometimes dust and dead bugs are causing the problem, but it also sometimes leads to painful electric shocks. Those are just a hazard you have to live with when fixing things. My mom told me that one time she got a shock and it flung her backwards 5 feet. I've never seen something like that but I want to.
5.) Asking my wife- She can usually fix something in 3 minutes that it's taken me an hour to break worse.
I think the point is that things should never break around me.
Friday, October 25, 2013
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